when people look at me i want to close my mouth

by matthew savoca

2009-03-04T10:06:00.000-08:00

"stunning. electrifying. a fresh crisp take on colin bassett's classic cutting-edge chapbook when people talk to me i want to close my eyes."

"if you have read the original poems i think you will like these. if you have not read the original poems read these and that will be like you read the originals."

websites:

PEOPLE

2009-03-04T10:04:00.000-08:00

when people look at me i want to close my mouth and think about how i am going to see you later.

i want to ask them to look away and then turn in your direction and look at you because i know you will be looking at me.

but the person keeps looking at me and i want to look at you because i keep thinking about you looking at me.

and then how you will look at me a certain way and it will be a way you have looked at me before.

it will be a way that we looked at each other when we were in bed.

or somewhere else where we could see each other and we didn't have to go anywhere or move anything or pretend that we were looking at someone else.

COUCH

2009-03-04T10:02:00.000-08:00

i want to be you on a couch.

if i write you an email and try to say this and don't mess up i will still not be you on a couch.

at night when i am you i think i say the same things some people say when they are feeling.

i want to be really proud of being able to not feel and be talkative and have a good conversation.

i want this to be an 'honest' conversation.

if we are doing this i will try to feel that we are 'on the verge of something.'

it will be okay to be at the market or on our bicycles or something when this happens.

if we are in another country or near another person and i don't want to feel anything, we will still be 'on the verge of something.'

and it will be okay not to have feelings about it until later when we are both surprised that we are 'feeling the same way.'

but i will not be sure if you are feeling the same way that i am feeling or if you are feeling another way.

we will both say that we are not sure at all what has happened.

we will not have feelings about it but instead say 'good' and 'content' and think about sleeping.

FLOOR

2009-03-04T09:57:00.000-08:00

we are on the bed sometimes if it is in the evening.

and it has been a very busy day.

and if we didn't feel anything the whole time that it was a busy day.

until we didn't notice 'busy day' anymore and now are relaxed on the bed by the floor.

this will be after doing some things on the floor and before deciding to go to the bathroom.

in the bathroom we will wait with towels and watch the bathtub fill up.

we will think that this should be the time to wake up instead of there still being a lot of hours to pass in the night.

BLANKET

2009-03-04T09:55:00.000-08:00

let's just be out of a blanket and walking around and not feeling anything and then awake and not feeling anything.

and if we are asleep then let's pretend to be awake and see if pretending will 'work out' in that sort of situation.

or if there is some time when i am out of the blanket and you are not, then i'll be sure to come back and say 'i was in the kitchen' or something and touch you a little.

we will go to bed and feel each other and touch a little too much accidentally and be able to stop touching by thinking about getting out of bed where it is light.

we will keep our eyes open and even if we do not talk it will be a little bit easier to think about out of bed.

COFFEE

2009-03-04T09:53:00.000-08:00

you are awake in a different place from me.

i am drinking coffee.

i will make a lot of it and write a page of a book i want to write.

i will look at the page.

i will send you an email that is a picture of the page.

i don't want to make the coffee if you are awake and don't know that i am making it.

i might tell you about this in the evening.

you will think i made coffee and that was it and why am i telling you?

and i will not have an answer.

i will want to say 'i don't understand what you are asking' or something.

but you will be asleep and dreaming something and have already forgotten.

MATTRESS

2009-03-04T09:51:00.000-08:00

i want to move my mattress into the closet when you are not home.

when you get back you will ask me for a favor.

i will be a little upset but laughing.

SHOWER

2009-03-04T09:49:00.000-08:00

if we take showers and then eat sushi and drink wine that we like, afterward i will walk for a long time next to you until we are home.

and i won't feel anything the whole way but will think of lots of different ways of feeling 'it is a nice night' since the breeze is a little bit warm.

and i will like that we are walking at the right speed and are not confused about what we are doing at intersections.

SKIN

2009-03-04T09:45:00.000-08:00

when you touch my skin you like that it is the same skin you are thinking about when we are far.

you get into the shower and think about my skin and say, 'yes, that is right.'

the skin on my body is different from the skin on other people's bodies.

you can look at the skin on my body and see other things beneath it.

you can do this if i do not have clothes on or if i do.

if i do have clothes on we are in the car and not talking and maybe eating chocolate and listening to the radio.

if i do not have clothes on we are in bed and you can see the skin on my legs and the skin on my back.

and i will stay still until you look at my back for a long enough period of time.

you do not know how much time i am waiting for.

but i will turn over after you have looked at my back.

and you will see more skin and you will say good things about me beneath it.

HAIR

2009-03-04T09:43:00.000-08:00

our hair is the same color on a pillow in the morning.

we will dream about it if we are asleep.

we will have heads that are far apart and thinking about the same thing.

we don't feel anything and then change positions.

in new positions it will be an option to lay a different way or get up or to not move.

we won't want to decide any of these things.

we will just want to keep our heads far apart and think about something important without caring.

EYES

2009-03-04T08:49:00.000-08:00

i saw your eyes in the morning when you were awake and not able to keep them closed very well.

your face looked alert and a little serious and like you had been awake for half the day.

or like you had been half-asleep all night.

you were sleepy enough to look at me a certain way and it didn't make sense the way you were looking.

i wanted to laugh because you were weird like a goat but without making you more asleep.

i touched your leg and it felt important not to make you more asleep.

i saw you wake up again and close your eyes again and i think you were a little frustrated at not knowing what to do.

CARDIGAN

2009-03-04T06:35:00.001-08:00

i will take my cardigan off you and you will be a little bit cold where the cardigan was covering your skin.

you will want the cardigan but want the clothes that you'll wear for the day more.

you will feel a little slighted about not wearing the cardigan.

you will look at me and then the bathroom and wonder if i am going to make some coffee to drink after you are awake.

i won't know what your face is saying and i will sit in the bed and feel like being farther from you than you feel like being from me.

you will be a little bit fidgety and i will lie down and then you will lie down too and in your closet will be the clothes that you are going to wear for the day.

i will make a pot of coffee and you will maybe be asleep a little in bed and thinking about the water running in the sink and then you will talk about the coffee when it is brewing.

i will think you are awake and the image of you in my mind will match very closely how you look in the bed with the covers thrown back talking.

PILLS

2009-03-04T06:30:00.000-08:00

i feel 'i have a headache' and you know what i'm thinking when i feel like that and what i am saying.

you are talking about something on the internet.

you were just in the shower.

you talk to me a little.

i move around.

i think about pills to help my head.

you talk about other things on the internet.

'you are looking at an email i sent you,' i think.

EMAIL

2009-03-04T06:19:00.000-08:00

i type an email. the email says, 'don't know where i am.'

i type an email. the email says, 'where am i?'

you type an email. the email says, 'you are somewhere. i don't know where you were a long time ago. you were asleep.'

i type an email. the email says, 'i quit working or something.'

we both type emails. the emails say, 'okay.'

my email has a question mark. my email is like this, 'okay?'

then i type another email. the email says, 'oh.'

you type an email. you type another email. you send me four emails that all say, 'yes.'

BOOK

2009-03-04T06:10:00.000-08:00

you are here and i want to read the email you sent me but am so tired.

you think i need a haircut or for you to cut my hair some so i will not need a haircut.

i can't just sit here writing a book even if it is a book i really want to write.

i don't know what to do with the book except look at the computer screen and scroll up and down a little and stare at one page without writing.

you and i were in italy one summer in an apartment on the sea next to many other apartments.

we were with your family and i think we wrote books and had sex in our room during the night.

i think about how the house smelled in the evening when people were making dinner when i am drinking wine by myself or just pacing around not knowing what to do.

if you walk in the room and have a skirt on i will want to pull the skirt up i'm sure.

i am logged onto gmail and looking at the computer screen still and staring at something.

i am too tired to think about the email you sent me.

if you are still here and it is tomorrow then i will try to read the email you send then.

it will say something important that i will remember that i just cannot imagine right now.

i am tired but i feel confident that it will make me feel good to read the email that you might send to me tomorrow if you are here.